HARD SELL IN EGYPT

I planned our first around-the-world trip during my internship in 1975. I would have to say that I was completely innocent at the time with no travel experience at all – completely naïve about the world.

Our first dose of reality hit us with a giant thud. We arrived in Cairo in December of 1975. I couldn’t have chosen a more difficult venue in which to learn my first lessons about the world. Cairo is probably the quintessential “teeming” Third World Metropolis. The city has been attracting travelers for centuries. In fact, Cairo (along with Venice) may have been the world’s first actual tourist trap. So, Cairo had already had plenty of time to get ready for our visit.

Cairo Airport was a revelation. The crush of people was unbelievable to me. I had  never before been in a place where people had no regard for personal space. I had, of course, never been in the Third World.

People were yelling and screaming. Fistfights broke out at baggage claim. Strange men in turbans came up to me offering a variety of “services”. A porter snatched our bags and disappeared toward the exit. We managed to find a taxi to take us to our hotel – the Atlas Hotel on Opera Square. Naturally, we were over-charged. I suspect that neither the hotel nor Opera Square itself still exist today. To say that I was unprepared for this experience would be a vast understatement. The most chaotic place I had ever been to prior to the Cairo Airport was a Stanford football game.

Overwhelmed by our initial Third World experience, we decided to spend the rest of the day in the hotel. We had an early dinner, brushed our teeth in 7-UP (bottled water had not yet made an appearance anywhere in the world), and nodded off to sleep. We were awakened in the morning by the strangest of sounds – a donkey braying…right in the middle of a huge city. This was shortly followed by the call of the Muezzin – the plaintive wail that I would hear a thousand more times in my life. We decided to take a walk around the city. We were located about two blocks from the Nile River. We walked across the bridge and went into Cairo Tower. From the top of the tower, we caught our first, distant glimpse of that most iconic of Third World sights – the Pyramids.

We later decided to book a private city tour through the hotel desk for the following day. The city just looked too formidable for me to handle on my own. Our guide met us in the lobby the following morning, and we were off. The guide kept mentioning how happy he was to see us. He had apparently not had much business since the Yom Kippur War of 1973. Our first stop was the Egyptian Museum. The museum entrance was lined with a motley assortment of “the usual suspects”. The guide had several negative encounters with these men on the way in – one of which was basically a fist fight. Apparently all of these men wanted a piece of the action.

The museum was interesting enough but there was very little in English. So, we were more or less dependent on the guide to explain the exhibits to us. However, rather than focus his attention on the major points of interest (the mummies, the coffins, the gilded masks), the guide seemed to have a special, almost exclusive interest in a group of small earthen jugs used to hold perfume. He kept rambling on about the lotus flower, how wonderful it smelled, and how important it was in Ancient Egyptian culture. In fact, this Egyptian man seemed to be positively obsessed with the lotus flower. It wouldn’t be long before I would find out why.

Predictably, our next stop was a perfume shop. We were welcomed by the owner with a flourish, ushered into a type of lounge, and seated on a couch. Tea was then served. I had never in my life experienced anything remotely similar to this. But, I was soon to discover that this was the way commerce was conducted in the Third World. I think that I have at least an average IQ, and I was finally starting to catch on. In fact, I was actually getting upset about being manipulated. The salesman started to bring out his wares – most of which had something to do with – you guessed it – the lotus flower. But I had already decided that I was not going to let these guys get away with this scam. I simply stated that wearing perfume was against our religion, and that was that. Both the guide and the shop owner started to put up a tremendous stink. These people have a way of entrapping potential customers – sometimes to the point of physically blocking the exit. But all of their pleading and cajoling had no effect on me. We simply got up and walked out of the shop.

The next stop was Giza and the famous Pyramids.

Giza has become one of the most unpleasant places in the world to be a traveler. The entire area is crawling with the pushiest peddlers, touts, and con men that one could possibly dream up – a living rogues gallery. The Camel Guys are the worst of these. Even getting to the Pyramids is a challenge and involves running an exhausting gauntlet. People start to get in your face hundreds of yards before the entrance to the site. And, unfortunately there is no respite from the harassment – it simply never ends.

I have, of course, subsequently run up against many characters of this type in various places around the world – in places like Morocco, India, and Bali. But, I think that what puts this particular group of creeps into a league of their own is that they have no sense of humor. You might actually call them “mean”.

And, they’re none too smart, either. The very first thing that every traveler is asked by every peddler or faux guide in every Third World country he ever visits is “Where are you from?” This is one of the few things in life that is virtually 100% – a guarantee – a law of nature like gravity. They are actually not the least bit interested in where you are from. They simply need to know what language to start babbling in. When we last visited Egypt in 2006, I had started to tell people that we were Canadian in hopes of taking off some of the pressure associated with being an American in the Middle East. Every single, solitary man who managed to get a response from me blurted out exactly the same two words – “Canada Dry!” Not one of these imbeciles had the first clue about what “Canada Dry” actually meant. And, from what I was able to gather later, every single Canadian who has ever traveled to Egypt has had exactly the same experience – over and over and over.

As mentioned, I have visited Egypt a couple of times since 1975 and have gradually learned how to deal with these characters more effectively. But, on our first visit (our initial third world experience), I was completely naïve, and ripe for the picking. Fortunately, the world was a kinder and gentler place in 1975 and we managed to get through the Pyramid experience – a few Egyptian Pounds lighter, but relatively unscathed.

Our next stop was supposed to be the Step Pyramid at Saqqara – located a few miles outside of Cairo.

The guide was apparently in such a hurry to get to the Khan el Khalil (Cairo’s huge bazaar) that he decided to skip Saqqara. Fortunately, we were able to visit the site on a subsequent visit and I was actually looking forward to the Khan el Khalili. I was later to develop an abiding interest in markets and bazaars. It is in these settings that one gets to see the people. And, it was already becoming apparent to me that people would eventually become my primary interest.

The guide had been talking about taking us to a place where the whole Khan el Khalili would be represented – a sort of “one stop shopping” place. I assumed that this place would be located somewhere deep in the bowels of the teeming bazaar. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We ended up in a sort of curio shop with high-priced items of questionable authenticity, complete with two typically obnoxious high-pressure salesmen – three, if you include the guide, who was anticipating a windfall. I took one look, made a U-turn, and got back into the van.

We were returned to the hotel in rapid fashion. The guide did not deserve a tip and none was forthcoming. I was proud of the fact that this greedy little man did not make a single extra piaster from me, in spite of devoting the entire “tour” to getting his hand in my pocket. We couldn’t wait to get out of Egypt and on our way to Nairobi. But, I had learned one valuable lesson – be careful who you trust in the Third World. There are many good people in Egypt, Morocco, India and elsewhere. But, don’t assume that everyone has your best interest at heart. Many, if not most people in these places, just want your money.

We did have a chance to visit the Khan in 2006. While not at the same level as the great medinas of Morocco, the Khan was mildly diverting and seemed to be a lot less trouble than Giza. There weren’t many tourists in the bazaar and, by this time, I knew how to handle the shop owners.  I surmised that people were so worn out after the Pyramids experience that they simply did not have the energy to brave the bazaar.

In any case, there was less hassle than I had expected. One shop owner came out of his shop and got in my face. “Look”, he said. “No hassle shopping. Please come into my shop. I have special deal, just for you. No hassle.” And he continued to follow me down the street. I tried to point out to him that he was, in fact, by definition already “hassling” me. But it just didn’t seem to sink in.

On subsequent trips, we have also had a chance to visit Abu Simbel, Aswan, and Luxor in the Nile Valley. Each of these places has its own particular problems. Abu Simbel was terribly crowded.

Aswan was plagued by Felucca Captains. For some reason, every single person along the Nile Corniche in Aswan was laboring under the misconception that I was immediately interested in taking a Felucca Cruise on the Nile. I eventually actually took a cruise, but it was on my own terms.

Luxor was just plain hard work. The Caleche (horse cart) Drivers were annoying beyond belief – like a swarm of mosquitos. They would just not take “no” for an answer.

In spite of all of this, the antiquities of Ancient Egypt have no parallel anywhere else in the world and I would still recommend a visit. Just be sure to understand in advance what you’ll be up against and get ready for a very intense experience. Intense, of course, is a euphemism in this case.

And don’t let any modern day Egyptian try to tell you that the incredible sites you will see in Egypt are the product of Arab ingenuity. These temples and monuments were all built thousands of years before the Arabs stormed across North Africa. What is amazing to me is that the current population has allowed them to stand. For this, we owe them a debt of gratitude.

I really hope that I haven’t put anyone off to Third World Travel. I’ve had many of my best travel experiences in places like Morocco, India, and Indonesia. And while I wouldn’t include Egypt among my favorite places, you certainly can’t beat the sights.

The Third World Traveler needs to know what to expect – exactly what he will be up against. 95% of people who come up to you in Luxor, in Jaipur, and in Bangkok want money. This is just a fact. Learn how to protect yourself in advance – not after the worst has already happened.

And – happy traveling in Africa, Asia, and Latin America!

Tags: Aswan, Cairo, camel, con man, Egypt, Luxor, peddler, pyramid, pyramids, third world, tout